One of the best ways to feel better is to understand that you’re not supposed to feel great all the time. You get to choose how to feel about situations by how you interpret and attach meaning to them. However, that doesn’t mean you should decide to feel great all the time. At times, experiencing other emotions, like sadness, might be what you need to heal and grow.
So how do you get your emotions to work for you instead of against you? We’ll explore how you can reframe your emotional state to fuel your personal growth and success.
Your happiness, your choice
Nobody and nothing owes you any happiness. That’s the harsh truth, and the sooner you realize that the happier you become.
Happiness, in most instances, is never about what’s happening around us. It’s about what’s happening within you and the meaning or interpretation you attach to circumstances. For example, you could be in the middle of a happy situation, such as spending time with loved ones and still feel miserable inside.
Changing your perspective on happiness — realizing that it’s your responsibility, changes the game. It improves your overall well-being and relationships with others and yourself.
Take marriage, for example. Most people enter into marriage, thinking their partners will make them happy. I certainly felt that way, too, in my first marriage.
I expected that it was his responsibility to make me happy. Guess what, he didn’t do it. I couldn’t make him happy either. After we divorced, I got to thinking; maybe I had entirely wrong expectations. In my second marriage, the one I’m in now, I don’t expect that he should make me happy. My thoughts, interpretations, the meanings I give situations are what makes me happy or not. Sometimes we aren’t satisfied with ourselves or with each other, and that’s normal and okay.
Instead of trying to change people, which you can’t unless they want to change, focus on what you can control. With all that’s happening around the world due to the pandemic — lockdowns, economic turmoil, dealing correctly with your emotions will get you through to the other side. There are negative feelings, for example, that you don’t want to feel right now, but that if you allowed yourself to feel would hasten your healing.
How to deal with emotions
The word “emotion” has “motion” in it. Feeling (the whole range of emotions) is how we process the world and our place. It’s what moves you forward and births the healing process within.
So how do you deal with your emotions? Some people opt for an “emotionless” state, while others let their emotions run amok. Both of these are extreme opposites and clearly out of balance. A better middle path comprises the ability to feel emotions and still have a choice over them.
Most people grew in environments where you were shamed for expressing emotions. As adults, we continue suppressing our feelings and perpetuating the lie, often leading to explosive and volcanic outbursts where all the pent-up emotions pour out.
All experiences in our life need to be digested somehow. Our emotions are the digestive process. Some of the unhealthy ways of dealing with emotion include numbing, distracting, or overindulging unnecessarily. Healthy methods involve processing, digesting, and turning those emotions into fuel for forward movement, creative reinvention, soul growth.
The action and motion in your life come from emotions. For example, you feel incredibly creative, so you work on a project you’ve been ignoring for a while. Alternatively, you can start the project, and the emotional boost from accomplishing something propel you forward. The truth is, you don’t need to feel motivated emotionally for action to happen.
On the other hand, detaching entirely from your emotions, puts you at a massive disadvantage, and not just socially. Many people have digestive issues at the physical level because they aren’t dealing with their feelings.
If you’ve got some negative emotions going on, maybe they’re trying to tell you something. Maybe there’s a constructive direction you need to go in, and you just need to let yourself feel them enough to take the right action.
The following statements help you discern what’s right for you. As you read out each one, try it on, like you would try on clothing pieces in a store. See if you like it. Does it fit? Does it work for you? If not, take it off.
The thoughts are delivered in 2nd person, meaning in “you” statements, rather than “I” statements. Why? Because your inner dialogue is usually in the 2nd person.
For example, think of the last time you made a mistake and got mad at yourself; perhaps you heard yourself say, “You’re such an idiot” rather than “I’m an idiot.” If you got off a call or finished a presentation that you think went well, and you say, “You aced that.”
Say the thought out loud or in your head and see if it works for you:
- All your emotions are okay to feel — — let yourself feel them now.
- Everything is, as it should be. — — it’s all okay. It’s happening for a good reason.
- Anything you regret in the past, — — it was meant to happen exactly the way it did.
- You are exactly as far along as you should be at this point in your life.
- Nothing is wrong here, — — everything happens right on time.
- You are responsible for everything you feel.
- No one else can cause an emotion in you.
- No external circumstance can cause an emotion in you.
- Your purpose is the life you are living right now.
- The world longs for what you have to offer — permit yourself to offer it now.
- You can do challenging things.
- You can figure things out,
- You can get clarity about decisions.
- Worry serves no purpose. You can let it go.
- Making money is very easy. Let yourself create it now.
- There’s plenty of time.
- Everything you do is a choice. There’s nothing you have to do.
- Your past was exactly the way it was meant to happen.
- What you do doesn’t make you happy. It’s what you think about what you do.
- What you look for, you will find, look for the good things.
- What others think of you is about them and not about you, both good and bad.
- YOU are the type of person who believes in yourself and the worth of your offers in an unshakable way.
- YOU are the type of person who attracts prosperity.
- YOU are the type of person who learns and integrates your life lessons well.
- YOU are the type of person who can overcome any challenges.
- Life wants you to win.
The better you deal with your emotions, the faster you move forward in life. We all handle emotions differently, so take your time and do what works for you. Cry, for example. You’ll find it cathartic. Crying helps flush out emotional toxins, improves your mood, enhances your immunity, and helps you see the world in a new light.
Other ways to help you process emotions include a vigorous walk in nature, kickboxing a punching bag, journaling, etc.
This post is based on our new book, MindStory Inner Coach. If you’d like more tools like this, get them free for a limited time on our website: MindStoryAcademy.com/
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● How to end self-sabotage.
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