Self -Forgiveness and New Year’s Resolutions

Self Forgiveness and New Year’s Resolutions

Most people make New Year’s resolutions. Maybe you do, too. However, many people don’t keep these resolutions. Why? Paradoxically, it’s because they haven’t forgiven themselves for a lack of follow through in the past.

Think about the resolutions you have made over the years. Did you honour all these promises, from eating healthier and exercising to improving your relationships or travelling more? Probably not.

So, how can you break free from your guilt, shame, and disappointment and instead learn from these past failures? The simple answer: Self-forgiveness.

The power of self-forgiveness

You cannot move forward and take action on important life goals if you don’t trust yourself to follow through.

Unfortunately, most people let past mistakes blind them through fear, shame, and guilt, paralyzing any efforts to move forward.

In contrast, self-forgiveness empowers you. It clears the negative meanings you attach to past failures. As you dissolve your past mistakes’ shame and guilt, a new you emerges, ready to tackle present and future challenges with fresh eyes and zero baggage.

Now, you may be asking: What does self-forgiveness have to do with my New Year’s resolution to lose a few more pounds, for example?

A lot.

Every time you project to the future and imagine your accomplishments, you’re essentially telling a mindstory to your present-day self that will be the reality of your future self.

You’re creating a new character who’s in your future on a possible new timeline.

However, that future self does not exist except in your mind. So, for instance, when you think about your New Year’s resolution to lose weight, you imagine yourself thinner. You go into a future self who is leaner and healthier.

The bottom line: You have a relationship with this future self, based on your thoughts and imaginations of their character. Sometimes our relationship with this future self is good and empowering; sometimes, it’s disempowering without us realizing it.

What meaning do you give to situations in your life?

How you think about yourself past, present or future determines how you feel about yourself. Consequently, how you feel determines what you do, which affects your results.

You cannot make significant progress on your resolutions until you make peace with the ghosts of your past mistakes. For example, if your business failed in the past, you feel a lack of confidence when you imagine your future self trying something again. You avoid taking bold actions and never find the success you want in business.

Much of this happens below your conscious awareness, but it starts with what you think about yourself and the meaning you attach to situations.

The meaning you attach to circumstances means the difference between failure and success.

Take the example of two entrepreneurs looking to make more money during the year. To achieve the goal, both need to work on and launch new products.

One entrepreneur loses money while launching his product. He interprets the situation as a failure and considers himself unworthy of success. He feels defeated and stops launching any more new products, so he loses more income, creating a reinforcing failure loop.

The second entrepreneur attaches a different meaning to her experience. Despite losing money on her first launch, she forgives herself for any mistakes and instead decides to learn from the experience. This self-compassion act allows her brain to absorb the wisdom and learning, which in turn helps with subsequent product launches.

She feels empowered to take action, which eventually pays off when she successfully launches a few new products.

The meanings we attach to situations happen at a subconscious level. You only see the symptoms like procrastination versus motivation. Give yourself the freedom to change your mind, meaning, and interpretation.

How to change the relationship with your future self

One way to attain your New Year’s resolutions is through improving your relationship with your future self. Imagine him or her as a friend you care about and want to succeed.

How do you reach out to your future self? By writing letters to yourself. You can write several letters to yourself that have proven effective in helping people change and achieve their goals.

They include a letter from:

1. Your future self to your past self

So, for example, write a letter to your 18-year-old self, say just as you’re leaving high school, and tell them what to do or not do. Like don’t go to university, travel instead. We’re pretty good at advising our past selves.

Often, too, you can help your younger self calm down about things you took too seriously.

2. Your past self to your present self

The second letter is from your younger self, for example, when you’re 18, writing to your present self, whatever your age,

What are your younger self’s hopes and dreams for the future? That sounds confusing at first but very revealing. Sometimes we hold dreams we forgot about or shelved because we tried and failed. However, the fire still burns deep inside.

Think about everything you wanted to accomplish at 18 before failure and other life obstacles jaded your outlook.

3. Your present self to your future self

Write a letter to yourself, ten years from now. People overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in ten.

Projecting yourself into the future reveals the steps you must start taking now to guarantee success.

4. Your future self to yourself now

Finally, you can ask your future self to write to you now. What month and year ten years from now are you reading this?

For instance, let’s say you’re 49 years old now. In 2031, you’ll be 59. What do you want your present self to know, see, do, understand, take action on, stop doing, let go of, or realize? See what you can learn.

How self-forgiveness fosters success

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important in your life. How you treat yourself at any given time is one of the most significant indicators of your fulfilment and success in life.

People might tell you that paying attention to yourself and working on yourself is self-indulgent, but the unexamined life is not worth living, as the old saying goes. You must examine your experiences and decide how you want to interpret them.

Most people never attain their resolutions because they have bad relationships with their past and future selves. We’re beating ourselves up for things we did in the past, for who we are now, and for our future because we don’t believe we’ll amount to anything.

However, once you forgive yourself for past mistakes, you develop a fantastic relationship with all your “selves” and create lasting success.

Conclusion

Play the long game. Achieving your New Year’s resolutions won’t happen overnight. Losing weight, cutting down debt, improving relationships or even starting a business takes time and requires effort and patience.

Think of your future self as someone you love and care about, and start keeping the promises you make to yourself.

So, write those letters and build a relationship with yourself based on love and commitment. These small actions combine to create a better future you.

Check out MindStoryAcademy.com/free for more tools to help you stick with your New Year’s resolutions and improve on other life areas.